I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
I love you.
Bad choice
Randomize
