I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
Randomize
