Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Randomize
