i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
