Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
What changed your mind?
Being sober
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
And then the night went full on bisexual.
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
Randomize
