she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
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