Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
Just high enough for therapy.
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
Randomize
