hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
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