do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Randomize