my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
tell me about the eggs
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Randomize
