I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
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