By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
Naked Twister starts at high noon
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
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