I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Randomize
