I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Randomize
