i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
Randomize
