i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
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