just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
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