So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
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