woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
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