I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
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