i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize
