guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
This show inspires me to have sex in space
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
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