yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
Randomize
