Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
being pregnant is like rehab
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
Randomize
