I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
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