My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
You need a sexual gate keeper
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
Randomize
