she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
Randomize
