The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
