He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
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