I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Randomize
