it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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