I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
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