i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
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