Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
It's not a walk of shame if you run
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
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