ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
Randomize
