So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
And then the night went full on bisexual.
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
Randomize
