I only kidnapped one of them. chill
I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Randomize