I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
Randomize
