I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
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