you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
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