Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
Randomize
