in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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