he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
