k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Randomize
