Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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