There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
two words: eviction party
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
Randomize
