I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
Randomize