in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Randomize
