so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
Can you repeat that, but with context?
Randomize
