upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
Randomize
