1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
Randomize
