I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Randomize
