so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
I use my feet as sexual weapons
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
Randomize
