Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
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