I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
Randomize
