8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
he just fucked me for my cheese..
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
True college students do jello shots in the library
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