This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
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