I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Randomize
