Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
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