just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
Randomize
