non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Randomize
