My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
Randomize
