last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
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