Im at strip club and am horny
My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
Randomize