Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
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