I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
Randomize
