Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Randomize
