I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
Randomize