We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
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