I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
Randomize
