AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
Randomize
