I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
Randomize
