I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
Randomize
