You're a womanizer and a bitch.
His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
Randomize
