This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
Randomize
