Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
Randomize
