you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize
