a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
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