Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
Randomize
