Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
Randomize
