dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
Randomize
