i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
and you fell through a lawn chair
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
