you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
Randomize
