I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
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