well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
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