My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
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