I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
Randomize
