You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
Randomize
