just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
Randomize
