He disabled his match.com account in front of me
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
Randomize
