I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
Randomize
