did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
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