He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
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