Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
