i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
Randomize
