new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
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