Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
someone threw a dead crab at me
You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
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