I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
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